Prepared childbirth is a contradiction in terms. -Joyce Armor
Childbirth classes neglect to teach one critical skill: How
to breathe, count, and swear all at the same time. -Linda Filterman
I already know how to breathe, and I'm the last person
that needs to learn how to push. -Murphy Brown on Murphy Brown
Life is tough enough without having
someone kick you form the inside -Rita Rudner
In my last stage of labor I threatened to take my husband
to court for concealing a leathal weapon in his boxer shorts. -Linda Fiterman
I'd be happy to stand next to any man I know in one of those
labor rooms the size of a Volkswagen and whisper, 'No dear,
you don't really need the Demerol; just relax
and do your second stage breathing.' -Anna Quindlen
Having a baby is like taking your bottom lip
and pulling it over your head. -Carol Burnett
Have you ever tried getting out of your car through
the exhaust pipe? -Murphy Brown on Murphy Brown
Shameless plug - Watch History Essay of Mine ;-)
If men had babies, maternity leave would be in the
bill of rights. -Corky Sherwood Forest on Murphy Brown
...as they started to clean it off...I went over to my wife, kissed
her gently on the lips, and said, 'Darling, I love
you very much. You just had a lizard.' -Bill Cosby
I was cesarean born. You can't really tell, although whenever I
leave a house, I go out through a window. -Steven Wright
CONGRATS! We all knew you had it in you! -Doroth Parker
Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes. -Joyce Armor
People said I'd slim down quickly. Nobody told me it was
because I'd never have time to eat. -Anonymous
