One of the great ironies...is that feeding children, a task whose misery cannot be ignored, leads to more diaper changing. - Gary D. Christenson
Toddlers are more likely to eat healthy food if they find it on the floor. - Jan Blaustone
There are hundreds of different toliet training methods - probably because none of them work. - Bruce Lansky
Reasoning with a two year old is about as productive as changing seats on the Titanic - Robert Scotellaro
Don't tell your two year old she's driving you nuts. She just might say, 'Mama nuts', to everyone she meets. - Jan Blaustone
Nothing brings out a toddler's devotion to a toy she has abandoned more quickly than another child playing with it. - Robert Scotellaro
Children
What is a home without children? Quiet. - Henny Youngman
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore. And that's what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash
Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they'r going to catch you in next. - Franklin P. Jones
A child is someone who stands halfway between an adult and a TV set. - Anonymous
No matter what the critics say, it's hard to believe that a television program which keeps four children quiet for an hour can be all bad. - Beryl Pfizer
Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up - they're looking for ideas. - Paula Poundstone
Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime. - Red Skelton
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. - Mark Twain
When I was a girl I only had two friends, and they were imaginary. And they would only play with each other. - Rita Rudner
I've got two wonderful children - and two out of five isn't bad. - Henny Youngman
I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning withoutfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle - Erma Bombeck
She's stubborn, contrary, and willful.
She'll grumble; she'll whine, and complain.
Her habits are terribly awfully smug.
Her actions are far from humane.
She's selfishly stingy and rotten.
She's lazily sluggish and slow.
Her manners and cleverly cunnignly coy ... but...
No sweeter daughter I know. - Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz
Teenagers
Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to devolpe a love for our children before turning them into teenagers. - William Galvin
It's amazing. One day you look at your phone bill and realize they're teenagers. - Milton Berle
Between the ages of tweleve and seventeen a parnt can age thirty years. - Sam Levenson
My little boys are growing up...
The baby's five-foot three!
It's great, but must they take such pride
In looking down on me? - Susan D. Anderson
There used to be a saying that once your kid got old enough to help around the house, he was no longer around the house to help. - Theresa Bloomingdale
No need to worry about your teenagers when they're not at home. A national survey revealed that they all go to the same place -'out'- and they all do the same thing -'nothing'. -Bruce Lansky
When the phone rings, it's for your teenager. When the phone bill arrives, it's for you. - Bruce Lansky
Puberty is the stage children reach that gets parents to start worrying about pregnancy all over again. - Joyce Armor
One thing you can never find in a teenagers room is the floor. - Bruce Lansky
There is nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them wont aggrivate. - Anonymous
Never lend your car to anyone to whome you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck
If Abraham's son had been a teenager, it wouldn't have been a sacrifice. - Scott Spendlove
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. - Mark Twain
I have a daughter who goes to S.M.U. She could've gone to U.C.L.A. here in California, but it's got one more letter she'd have to remember. - Shecky Greene
Much worse then rebellious teenagers are those who don't rebel and refuse to leave home. - Bruce Lansky
I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: CHECKOUT TIME IS 18. - Milton Berle
There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes. - Art Buchwald
The bill from college came today For all our childrens'
fees; As parents we are doomed to grow Much poorer by degrees. - Charles
Ghigna
