Anything that is exquisite would have its share of human philosophy and Wine is certainly no exception. Included here is my favourite collection of "quotable quotes" on wine, classified under several categories.

Love for Wine

24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? --- Anonymous (Contributed by KRich)

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world ---Louis Pasteur.

The world needs water. For every bottle of wine you drink you tribute to conserving the drinking water reserves --- Paul Emil Victor (polar- explorer)

Be careful to trust a person, who does not like wine. --- Karl Marx

If a life of wine, women and song get too much, give up the singing --- Anonymous

Woman's Quote of the Day: "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."

Man's Quote of the Day: "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity, and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age, until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."

The love of wine may almost be classed with the innate principles of our very being. --- Anonymous, The Wine-Drinker's Manual, 1830.

Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it. --- Anonymous.

Wine is the most civilized thing in the world --- Ernest Hemingway.

This is one of the disadvantages of wine; it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. --- Samuel Johnson, 1778.

Wine gives a man nothing. It neither gives him knowledge nor wit; it only animates a man, and enables him to bring out what a dread of the company has repressed. It only puts in motion what had been locked up in frost.--- Samuel Johnson, 1778

Wine is only sweet to happy men. - John Keats, 1819

I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved. - On her 100th birthday, 1991. Columbia Dictionary of Quotations, 1995.

It is my wish that an unforgettable wine should live on after me.--- Château Pichon Longueville Comtesse de Lalande.

Wine has … inspired invention, animated religion, made men vociferous, nourished beliefs, kindled wrath, provoked love and lust and softened hard beds. --- London Times, 'Wine Merchants Uncorked'

Wine was born, not invented … like an old friend, it continues to surprise us in new and unexpected ways --- Dr. Salvatore P. Lucia

Beer is made by men, wine by God! --- Martin Luther.

Wine is made to be drunk as women are made to be loved; profit by the freshness of youth or the splendor of maturity; do not await decrepitude. --- Theophile Malvezin.

I think wine has taken over from the toys of the old days like watches and cars. Wine shows you have money, but it also shows you have taste. --- Thomas Matthews

Why is there so much wine left at the end of my money? --- Milan Maximovich

Wine has been with us since the beginning of civilization. It is the temperate, civilized, sacred, romantic mealtime beverage recommended in the Bible. Wine has been praised for centuries by statesmen, philosophers, poets, and scholars. Wine in moderation is an integral part of our culture, heritage and gracious way of life. --- Robert Mondavi.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink; that's the one thing I'm indebted to her for. --- W. C. Fields

Nothing makes the future look so rosy as to contemplate it through a glass of Chambertin. --- Napoleon.

Clearly, the pleasures wines afford are transitory – but so are those of the ballet, or of a musical performance. Wine is inspiring and adds greatly to the joy of living. --- Napoleon.

The juice of the grape is the liquid quintessence of concentrated sunbeams. --- Thomas Love Peacock

Wine is an old man's milk. --- Antonio Perez

And wine can of their wits the wise beguile, Make the sage frolic, and the serious smile.--- Alexander Pope

Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. --- Pope John XXIII

Wine … offers a greater range for enjoyment and appreciation than possibly any other purely sensory thing which may be purchased. --- Ernest Hemingway.

Sally: Do you have any other words of wisdom for us today? Sharon: Well, one of the words we live by is, "Life is too short to drink bad wine." --- Sharon Tyler-Herbst, 1997.

Drink wine, and live here blitheful while ye may; The morrow's life too late is, live to-day.--- Robert Herrick

Alonso of Aragon was wont to say in commendation of age, that age appears to be best in four things -old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read. --- Francis Bacon, 1624

Drink wine, drink poetry, drink virtue --- Charles Baudelaire.

WINE, n. Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as liquor, sometimes as rum. Wine, madam, is God s next best gift to man. --- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911.

Bacchus, n. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. --- Ambrose Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary.

Wine is the drink of the gods, milk the drink of babes, tea the drink of women, and water the drink of beasts. --- John Stuart Blackie.

Wine is a little like love. When the right one comes along, you know it! --- Bolla Wines

Drinking good wine with good food in good company is one of life's most civilized pleasures. --- Michael Broadbent.

A man who could sit under the shade of his own vine with his wife and his children about him and the ripe clusters hanging within their reach in such a climate as this and not feel the highest enjoyment, is incapable of happiness. --- Wine Quotations, Helen Exley, 1994.

Wine cheers the sad, revives the old, inspires the young, makes weariness forget his toil --- Lord Byron.

Only in regard to wine did he have no limits. --- Confucius, Analects, Book 10

Wine, like the rising sun, possession gains, And drives the mist of dullness from the brains --- George Crabbe

Wine … the intellectual part of the meal. --- Alexandre Dumas, 1873

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food!! --- Leslie Duncan, 1998.

I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age. --- Steven Wright

No nation is druken where wine is cheap, and none sober where the dearness of wine substitutes ardent spirits as the common beverage --- Thomas Jefferson

I'll never be able to afford it so I better buy it now. --- Andrew

Wine makes daily living easier, less hurried, with fewer tensions and more tolerance. --- Benjamin Franklin

The First Duty of wine is to be Red...the second is to be a Burgundy --- Harry Waugh

Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others. --- Samuel Johnson

From wine what sudden friendship springs! --- John Gay "The Squire and the Cur," 'Fables'

Wine is a living liquid containing no preservatives. Its life cycle comprises youth, maturity, old age, and death. When not treated with reasonable respect it will sicken and die. --- Julia Child

Wine is made to be drunk as women are made to be loved; profit by the freshness of youth or the splendor of maturity; do not await decrepitude. - Theophile Malvezin

Compromises are for relationships, not wine.--- Sir Robert Scott Caywood

I like best the wine drunk at the cost of others. --- Diogenes, Dictionary of Quotations, Bergen Evans, 1968.

Montrachet should be drunk kneeling, with one's head bared - ?

Where there is no wine there is no love. --- Euripedes.

A bottle of wine begs to be shared; I have never met a miserly wine lover. --- Clifton Fadiman, 1987.

If food is the body of good living, wine is its soul - Clifton Fadiman:

[Making wine] is like having children; you love them all, but boy, are they different. --- Bunny Finkelstein

Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence --- Robert Fripp:

I love everything that's old: old friends, old times, old manners, old books, old wine. --- Oliver Goldsmith, She Stoops to Conquer.

Wine can of their wits the wise beguile, Make the sage frolic, and the serious smile.--- Homer, The Odyssey.

Wine gives strength to weary men. --- Homer.

Wine brings to light the hidden secrets of the soul, gives being to our hopes, bids the coward flight, drives dull care away, and teaches new means for the accomplishment of our wishes. --- Horace

Wine rejoices the heart of man and joy is the mother of all virtues --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1771.

Like the gironde that runs through the finest vines on Earth, the good wine deservingly runs through the veins of the mortal man.--- Terence Koh, 1997

Mellow not my mind with time. But age it with the peerless wine --- Terence Koh (16 Dec 98)

J'aime le bon vin comme la vie... ("I love good wine like like I love the life...") --- Terence Koh (31 Dec 98)

Wine, in all its goodness, should be appreciated with an open mind. --- Terence Koh (8 Feb 99)

Health and Wine

Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because of your stomach and your frequent illnesses. --- 1 Timothy 5:23

I have enjoyed great health at a great age because everyday since I can remember I have consumed a bottle of wine except when I have not felt well. Then I have consumed two bottles. --- Attributed to a Bishop of Seville.

Mankind . . . possesses two supreme blessings. First of these is the goddess Demeter, or Earth whichever name you choose to call her by. It was she who gave to man his nourishment of grain. But after her there came the son of Semele, who matched her present by inventing liquid wine as his gift to man. For filled with that good gift, suffering mankind forgets its grief; from it comes sleep; with it oblivion of the troubles of the day. There is no other medicine for misery. --- Euripides, The Bacchae, c. 407 BC.

Wine is at the head of all medicines; where wine is lacking drugs are necessary. --- Babylonian Talmud: Baba Bathra.

Penicillin cures, but wine makes people happy --- Sir Alexander Fleming

Wine is an appropriate article for mankind, both for the healthy body and for the ailing man. --- Hippocrates.

Wine from long habit has become an indispensable for my health. --- Thomas Jefferson

I think it is a great error to consider a heavy tax on wines as a tax on luxury. On the contrary, it is a tax on the health of our citizens. --- Thomas Jefferson

Biblical Quotes

And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard --- Genesis 9:20.

Do not drink wine nor strong drink, thou, nor thy sons with thee, when ye go into the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die: it shall be a statute for ever throughout your generations. --- Leviticus 10:9.

And the vine said unto them, should I leave my wine, which cheereth both gods and men, and go to be promoted over the trees. --- Judges 9:13.

He causeth the grass to grow for the cattle, and herb for the service of man: that he may bring forth food out of the earth; And wine that maketh glad the heart of man, and oil to make his face to shine, and bread which strengtheneth man's heart --- Psalms 104:14-15

Wine that maketh glad the heart of man. --- Psalms 104:15.

Go thy way, eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with a merry heart; for God now accepteth thy works. --- Ecclesiastics 9:7.

Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging. --- Isaiah 20.1.

Forsake not an old friend; for the new is not comparable to him: a new friend is as new wine; when it is old, thou shalt drink it with pleasure.--- Apocrypha, Ecclesiasticus 9:10.

Wine drunken with moderation is the joy of the soul and the heart. --- Apocrypha, Ecclesiasticus 31:36.

Wine was created from the beginning to make men joyful, and not to make them drunk. --- Apocrypha, Ecclesiasticus 31.

No man also having drunk old wine straightway desireth new: for he saith, The old is better. --- Luke 5:39.

Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because of your stomach and your frequent illnesses. --- 1 Timothy 5:23

Wine Tasting

Never guess at a vintage. Acknowledge you do not know, which is more often than not correct. --- Charles Walter Berry,1932

This wine is too good for toast-drinking, my dear. You don't want to mix emotions up with a wine like that. You lose the taste. --- Ernest Hemingway, 1926.

CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else. An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision, some wine was poured on his lips to revive him. 'Pauillac, 1873,' he murmured and died. --- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911.

When it came to writing about wine, I did what almost everybody does – faked it! --- Art Buchwald

Wine is like sex in that few men will admit not knowing all about it! --- Hugh Johnson.

The only good wine is the one you like. --- Lois Stansberry

What is the definition of a good wine? It should start and end with a smile. --- William Sokolin

The primary purpose of wine is to make food taste better. --- Myra Waldo

As far as I am concerned, there are only two types of wine, those I like and those I don't. --- The Essential Wine Buff, edited by Jennifer Taylor, 1996.

When it comes to wine, I tell people to throw away the vintage charts and invest in a corkscrew. The best way to learn about wine is the drinking. --- Alexis Lichine.

There exist in wine, as perhaps with no other beverage, a genuine hierarchy of quality.--- Andrew Sharp

Today's wines are better. Period. I've had plenty of old stuff and I'm here to testify that once you strip away the history and the rarity, the privilege and awe, the past has nothing on the present. --- Matt Kramer, Dec 98

Champagne

My dear girl, there are some things that just aren't done, such as drinking Dom Perignon '53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That's just as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs! --- James Bond in Goldfinger (1964)

Confucius once said that plain rice to eat, water to drink, and one's arm as a pillow were quite enough for earthly happiness. Confucius was a wise and gentle soul … but he never tasted champagne.--- Bottled Wisdom, compiled and edited by Mark Pollman, 1998.

Come quickly! I am tasting stars! [at his first sip of champagne]. Dom Perignon

My only regret in life is that I did not drink more Champagne. --- John Maynard Keynes.

Gentlemen, in the little moment that remains to us between the crisis and the catastrophe, we may as well drink a glass of Champagne. --- Paul Claudel.

Wine Stories

The great French white wine, Corton-Charlemagne, owes its existence, according to local legend, not to the emperor but to his wife. The red wines of Corton stained his white beard so messily that she persuaded him to plant vines that would produce white wines. Charlemagne ordered white grapes to be planted. Thus Corton-Charlemagne. --- Clifton Fadiman, The Little, Brown Book of Anecdotes.

At a recent tasting of the wines of Château Lafite-Rothschild, … Eric de Rothschild was asked about his favorite vintage: 'The '59, he answered, if you like young wine.' --- The Official Guide to Wine Snobbery, Leonard S. Bernstein, 1982.

A man, fallen on hard times, sold his art collection but kept his wine cellar. When asked why he did not sell his wine, he said, 'A man can live without art, but not without culture'. --- Anonymous.

Wines in the Movies

At the end of Diamonds are Forever, James Bond is on a cruise ship with the lady of the hour. Room service (really the villains, Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wynn) brings dinner. One of the villains presents the bottle of wine as a Mouton Rothschild. Bond's response is to the effect of, "I thought I ordered a claret." The "wine steward" apologizes for not having any claret in the cellar. Bond responds that "Mouton is a claret." and the final fight of the movie breaks out. (Contributed by KRich)

In the movie "The Saint" starring Val Kilmer and Elisabeth Shue, Val was courting Shue in a nice restaurant where he ordered a Latour 56. When told by the waiter that it was "very expensive - it's 400 pounds", he promptly said, "I'll have two then". He later smashed one of the bottle (empty of course).

In the film "Mercury Rising", Bruce Willis (the good guy) was in the bad guy's (Alex Baldwin) wine cellar. Bruce is going through the bottles. The bad guy said, "Be careful. Those are expensive bottles!" Bruce takes a Petrus opens it, drinks from the bottle, spits it out and says, "This bottle is corked!"...throws it away and takes another, drinks it and say, "Ah, this is how I like my Petrus". [For concerned wine lovers, the bottle used was a stunt double!]

DALLAS the TV serial, was notorious for great wines. Tons of Krug at tables. And in one scene with J.R. and Bobby trapped in an elevator; Bobby had just received a gift of a case of Bordeaux, and while they waited for rescue they started drinking it (breaking the bottle necks as they went). It was either an 82 or an 86 Cos d'Estournel.

In the movie Deep Impact, Vanessa Redgrave was drinking a bottle of 93' Mouton-Rothschild with the blank artwork before she died.

In the Star Trek : Generations (94), the opening credits roll against stars in deep space with a tiny, distant object slowly spinning, and becoming identifiable as a bottle of Moet & Chandon Cuvée Dom Pérignon Vintage 2265, which shatters against the prow of the USS Enterprise.

"Just use a little red wine; it will get that club soda stain right out of there." - About Last Night.

"Ivan: Why do you take aspirin with champagne? Alice: Oh, champagne gives me a headache." - Author! Author! (1982)

"Ah. Fortune smiles. Another day of wine and roses. Or, in your case, beer and pizza!" - Two-Face in Batman Forever (1995)

"Oh, we could give it a try. I'll bring the wine, you bring your scarred psyche." - Chase in Batman Forever (1995).

"You know. Wine drinkers. Pea soup eaters. French Canadians!" - Highway Patrolman in Canadian Bacon (1994).

"Carla (Rhea Perlman): What is this? Château Guam?" - Cheers.

"Oh bliss! Bliss and heaven! Oh, it was gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh. It was like a bird of rarest-spun heaven metal or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now. As I slooshied, I knew such lovely pictures!" - Alex in A Clockwork Orange (1971).

"Mr. Alexander: Try the wine!" - Alexander in A Clockwork Orange (1971).

"You'd be surprised how much fun you can have sober. When you get the hang of it." - Joe (Jack Lemmon) in Days of Wine and Roses (1962).

"Bunny Watson: I don't smoke, I only drink champagne when I'm lucky enough to get it, my hair is naturally natural, I live alone...and so do you." - Bunny Watson in Desk Set (1957).

"This is very old wine. I hope you will like it." - Count Dracula in Dracula (1931).

"I never drink wine." - Count Dracula in Dracula (1931).

"I'm drinking wine...and eating chicken! And it's good!" - Dracula in Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995).

"Where do you keep your champagne? Near the furnace?" - Lord Rutledge in Dunston Checks In (1996).

"King Blues: Hey Cool, don't drink that wine, it struck me blind!" - King Blues in Flip Out (1983).

"I can certainly see you know your wine. Most of the guests who stay here wouldn't know the difference between Bordeaux and Claret." - Basil Fawlty (John Cleese) in Fawlty Towers.

"All these weddings, all these years, all that blasted salmon and champagne and here I am on my own wedding day, and I'm... eh... em... eh... still thinking." - Charles in Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994).

"Lafite, don't fail me now." - Frasier Crane while wining and dining a new love interest on Frasier.

Frasier: The wine shop called a moment ago and said they're down to their last two cases of the 82' Chambolle-Musigny. Why don't you dash right down before someone snaps them up?
Niles: You know very well that in 1982 there was a drought in Bourgogne. The locals dubbed it the Year of the Raisin." - Frasier.

Niles (over latte at Cafe Nervosa)describes a trick he had played at his wine club: switching labels between a Château Pétrus and a Fourcas-Dupré. Frasier: "What scamps you are! His face must have turned redder than a Pichon-Longueville." - Frasier, First Season episode.

[Bond has just been surprised by the double agent, Grant.] "Red wine with fish. Well, that should have told me something." - Bond in From Russia with Love (1963).

"I like to drink wine more than I used to." - Vito Corleone in The Godfather (1972).

"My dear girl, there are some things that just aren't done, such as drinking Dom Perignon '53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That's just as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs!" - Bond in Goldfinger (1964).

"It's the same things your whole life. "Clean up your room!", "Stand up straight!", "Pick up your feet!", "Take it like a man!", "Be nice to your sister!", "Don't mix beer and wine, ever!". Oh yeah, "Don't drive on the railroad track!" - Phil Connors in Groundhog Day (1993).

"God knows what you've unleashed on the unsuspecting South. It'll be wine, women, and song all the way with Ringo when he gets the taste for it." - Norm in A Hard Day's Night (1964).

"I would think it means that she wishes you to dine with her. I'd take my own wine if I were you!" - Herod in "I, Claudius" (1976).

"I'm drinking some wine, eating some cheese, and catching some rays, you know..." - Oddball in Kelly's Heroes (1970).

"If Plato is a fine red wine, then Aristotle is a dry martini." - Chet in Kicking and Screaming (1995).

"Dynamite? It's like wine, it only gets better with age." - Tracker Lewis Gates in Last of the Dogmen (1995).

"More Brandy wine? They were boiling it in Ireland before the snakes left." King Henry II in The Lion in Winter (1968).

"Sparkling Muscatel. One of the finest wines of Idaho!" - Waiter in The Muppet Movie (1979).

"The last time that I trusted a dame was in Paris in 1940. She was going out to get a bottle of wine. Two hours later, the Germans marched into France." - Sam Diamond in Murder by Death (1976).

[Fighting Words]: "Your momma drinks red wine with fish".- Nash Bridges in an ad run during the Olympics coverage for Nash Bridges, 1998.

"I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink; that's the one thing I'm indebted to her for." - W. C. Fields in Never Give a Sucker an Even Break.

"During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days." - Cuthbert J. Twillie (W. C. Fields) in My Little Chickadee (1940).

"There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne." - Betty Davis in Old Acquaintance.

"Champagne's funny stuff. I'm used to whiskey. Whiskey is a slap on the back, and champagne's a heavy mist before my eyes." - James Stewart in The Philadelphia Story.

"This is a red wine glass. Can I have my water in a water glass?" - The Griffin Mill in Player (1992).

"Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me..." - Vizzini in The Princess Bride (1987).

"A woman in taffeta is seen lighting candles for a formal dinner for two. She sits down at the table, lifts a wine glass and toasts an imaginary guest. Dining alone, in style, is used as a metaphor for loneliness and even madness." - Anonymous woman in Rear Window (1954).

"Lili, a sizzler at the Fol-de-Rol. A figure like champagne and a heart like the cork." - Pontiac in Scene of the Crime (1949).

"A census taker once tried to test me -- I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti." - Hannibal Lechter

"Champagne yes, philosophy no." - Kit Moresby in The Sheltering Sky (1990).

"The picnic was delicious, the wine was excellent, remind me to send the Cardinal a note." - Porthos in The Three Musketeers (1993).

"Porthos: Champagne?
[During a chase, in the Cardinal's own coach.]
Porthos: For a chase, the Cardinal recommends his excellent '24 Cabernet.
Porthos to D'Artagnan: You can't have any, you're too young.
- The Three Musketeers.

I love waking up in the morning not knowing what I'm gonna do or who I'm gonna meet. Just yesterday I was sleeping under a bridge, and today I'm on the grandest liner in the world drinking champagne with you fine people. I'll have some more please." - Jack Dawson in Titanic (1997).

Cassandra: I don't believe I've ever had French champagne before...
Benjamin Kane: Oh, actually all champagne is French, it's named after the region. Otherwise it's sparkling white wine. Americans of course don't recognize the convention so it becomes that thing of calling all of their sparkling white champagne, even though by definition they're not." - Wayne's World (1992).

"I know I don't have his looks. I know I don't have his money. I know I don't have his connections, his knowledge of fine wines. I know sometimes when I eat I get this clicking sound in my jaw..." - Wayne Campbell in Wayne's World (1992).

"We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here, and we want them now!" - Withnail in Withnail and I (1987).

"What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?" - Larson E. Whipsnade (W. C. Fields) You Can't Cheat an Honest Man (1939).

The Simpsons...Cecil: Would you care for wine? I have an '82 Latour, and a rather indifferent Rausan-Segla.
Sideshow Bob: Cecil, I've been in prison for five years. I'll be happy as long as it doesn't taste like orange juice that's been fermented behind a radiator.
Cecil: That'd be the Latour, then.

In the "Muppet Movie (79)". The Scene: Kermit and Miss Piggy have a romantic table in a somewhat less than fine restaurant. A bottle of wine is chilling in a bucket on the table.
Kermit: Oh waiter! Waiter!
Waiter (played by Steve Martin): What? What do you want?
Kermit: You may serve us the wine now.
Waiter [sarcastically]: Oh, may I?
Waiter presents the wine to Kermit and Miss Piggy with a flourish.
Miss Piggy: Oooh Kermie, you got Champagne!
Waiter [inspecting the label]; Not exactly. It's sparkling Muscatel. One of the finest wines of Idaho.
Waiter removes the capsule and pops off the bottle cap.
Waiter: Would you like to smell the ... bottle cap?
Kermit sniffs and nods. Waiter fills one of the glasses.
Waiter: Do you want to taste the wine first?
Miss Piggy [whispering to Kermit]: I think you are supposed to let him do it.
Kermit: Would you taste it for us.
Waiter gets shocked look on his face. He resignedly takes a sip, squinches up his face and quickly spins around to spit out the wine.
Waiter: Excellent choice!
Waiter tops off the glass and fills the other.
Miss Piggy: May we have two straws please?
Waiter: Of course...I expected that.
Waiter produces two straws from his vest.
Kermit: That will be all.
Waiter [bowing many times]: Oh, thank you. Thank you